i said, "i just wanted to believe in someone that everyone else had given up on."
and that was the absolute truth. but if you havent been there, then you dont know. its not a "project" to believe in someone and yes, some of us do actually find love within the tortured throw-away artists and not all of us are out to "save someone". some of us find a spark, a light and a brilliance in another person that outshine all the dull and boring who came before them. sometimes that person is rational and sane... sometimes not.
and while we cant control what we find attractive, we can at least be aware of our surroundings. yes, i will fully admit that i was taken advantage of. because i believed that one day my feelings would be reciprocated. that one day he would look at me how i looked at him. and that one day, i would have the opportunity to see him become the resilient man that no one believed he could ever be.
but there is a truth in the collective mass. while not exclusive, when most of the people you trust, whose opinions you trust, tell you that that just because it shines doesnt mean its gold... well, we should give their words some credence. i trust my friends collective word. my faith in someone blinded me from what everyone was screaming in my ears. but thats fine. i dont regret the time i spent believing in someone. yes, i was wrong in the end, but you know what... thats fine. i dont regret the kisses that he didnt deserve or the attention, support or affection. nope. what i do regret is how they could have been spent on someone more deserving. and what i have come to realize is that if someone is an asshole to you 27 days out of the month, its because they are just an asshole.
so many of us make excuses for the people we love. i have done it more than i would care to admit. and do i feel like a fool? well sure. but at least i know my intentions were good. and i have learned that when we make excuses for people, it is us lying to ourselves. its us wanting to believe the image and the fantasy. its us trying to hold on to the facade they were in the beginning. theres nothing wrong with being fooled... but if we hold on while fully aware of being taken advantage of, well then we simply become the fool.
if you feel like a fool, if your trusted friends are all telling you the same thing and if you feel as if you're being taken advantage of, you probably are.
yes, it will be painful when you walk away.
yes, you will cry and it will feel like the dark walls are closing in.
yes, you will think how you will never love anyone as much as you loved them.
yes, you will secretly wish to wake up from a text from them.
but we know whats right. and more importantly, we know whats right for us.
we know that walking away is the right thing.
we know that ignoring the texts is the right thing.
we know that not reading their blogs is the right thing.
we know that crying is healthy.
we know we said we would never love anyone as much as we loved the last person before them and before them and before them.
and we know we deserve someone who treats us well more days than not.
and we know we are better than this.
and we know that once we realize this, we will attract the kind of people who will appreciate our love.